


Bear

by rethrin



Category: Franklin & Bash
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 20:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11905860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rethrin/pseuds/rethrin
Summary: Seven months after the game of tragic roulette, Peter gets a phone call.





	Bear

"Hello?"

"Hello? That's it? Nobody hears from you for seven months and now you're suddenly answering your phone and hello's all you've got for me?"

"Ellen?" Peter sat up straighter at his desk. "What's-"

"I'll tell you what's wrong, he's... I don't know what's wrong. Where've you been?"

"I was in Europe. I sent a postcard."

One postcard, over a three month trip. And nothing since then. Because he didn't know what he was supposed to do or what he could say.

"Hah." Ellen apparently didn't think much of his postcard even though it had been nice, it had turtles on it.

"Is he okay?"

"No. I don't think so." She was quiet for a while, until Peter opened his mouth to find something to say, but then she went on. "He won't sleep, he isn't..." She sighed, and Peter could practically hear her wanting to hang up. "He doesn't smile."

"Oh."

"Tell me how to fix him."

Peter shook his head. This had been Jared's idea, different cities, different states. He should at least be happy. Peter hated him for not being happy.

"Beer. Ice cream. Porn."

Ellen didn't laugh, but then Peter wasn't totally joking. 

"I'm serious, okay. He barely eats, he mutters to himself, he hasn't won a case in over a month. And..."

"What?"

"A couple times... it's probably nothing."

"What?"

"He says things."

Peter knew immediately, but he asked anyway. "What things?"

"He answers questions totally randomly. I asked him if he wanted pizza and he told me that bears don't like pizza. I mean, what does that even mean?"

Peter's heartbeat slowed. "Bear?"

"Yeah, and when he's sleeping or when he can't sleep, he mutters about them. 'I don't know where the bear is' or something. I thought he might mean a teddy bear? I wondered if I should call his mom but-"

"No. Don't call his mom." Peter had already brought up the leave-request form on his work computer. 

"He isn't well," Ellen said quietly, and Peter could tell it was the first time she'd admitted it out loud. Maybe the first time she'd admitted it at all.

"It's okay. It'll be okay. Fly him to Washington. Text me your flight, I'll meet you."

"Washington?"

Peter had already hung up.

 

\-----

 

Ellen had booked the first flight she could get, which told Peter all he needed to know about how bad it was. He got there first and waited for Jared and Ellen to make it through the gates. He felt sick, no idea how this was going to go, how things were going to be between them. 

Jared was in his arms soon as he saw him. Peter held him tightly. 

Ellen watched them for a second then nodded to herself. 

"I'm going to the bathroom." She stalked off, leaving Jared in Peter's care.

They hugged for a long time, Jared's face buried in Peter's shoulder. Then they carefully broke apart again and Peter could really look at him for the first time. He looked old and Peter realised he'd spent the last few months remembering him how he'd been at twenty, not close to forty.

"You okay?" he asked.

Jared nodded, with a slight furrow to his eyebrows, a slight wave of his hand, like he thought so but couldn't quite be sure. An expression Peter knew so well it was almost a part of him. He nodded too, something that meant of course you are, you'll be fine, I've got you.

"We should go," Jared said, looking at his watch anxiously, then at the door. "It'll close."

"You remember the guy, Baz, who we met last time? He's head of security now, says we can stay a while after closing."

"Oh." Peter saw something inside him settle, and all the phone calls and difficult explanations had been worth it. "Thanks," Jared said quietly. 

"Here." He handed Jared a paper bag.

"Sandwiches?" Jared asked, knowing the answer already. Peter always fed him when he wasn't well. When he didn't trust him to take care of himself.

"Yeah. Marmalade."

Jared broke into a huge grin. "That makes him laugh."

Peter nodded, because he knew that.

Ellen came back and they went to find a taxi.

 

\-----

 

Inside the museum Peter held Ellen back as Jared went through into the Natural History exhibit beyond.

"Stay here, let them be alone."

Ellen looked at him sharply. "Them?" 

She watched as Jared crossed the room, his footsteps echoing in the empty room of the museum. He went over to where a group of stuffed animals were posed and climbed the rope, grinning widely. Ellen could hear him talking quietly. She looked at Peter in confusion, then at Jared again. He stroked the bear's arm. 

"What's he doing?"

"They just need some time." 

Ellen stared at him, waiting for him to go on. Eventually she realised he wasn't going to.

"Oh. Okay. Him and that... thing, just need some time? Okay."

Peter shrugged because he knew it was weird, but there was nothing he could do about that. 

"It's Bear," he said firmly. "Don't call him a thing, you'll make it worse."

They watched as Jared smiled softly and then chuckled and nodded. He sat down, leaned against Bear's leg, and opened his sandwiches. He talked gently between mouthfuls.

"He needs a doctor," Ellen said. Peter looked at her, she was close to tears, her face pale and distant. "Oh god, he's really sick."

"No," he said softly, and pulled her away from the door and into a chair. "It's okay, really."

She shook her head, waved a hand at the other room. "That is not okay."

Peter didn't know what to say to that. Ellen had the right to be freaked out and he had no idea how he'd react if he was faced with it out of the blue now. But Jared didn't need a doctor, he needed ten minutes, maybe twenty.

"When did..." Ellen tried to sort out her thoughts. "I mean what..."

"He's his friend."

She stared at him and he realised there was a chance she wasn't actually going to deal with this. She might tell someone, might call Jared's parents or the men in white coats. 

But she had to know. She was the one who had to look after Jared now, the one who had to know him and know what he needed and what he was thinking. Peter was only a postcard every few months now. 

"Don't freak out, okay. When he was little he had an imaginary friend. It's pretty common in only-children, his just happened to be a bear." It had been before Peter knew him, but Bear had been there in all the pictures Jared drew, right next to him. A big bear five times his size. "And then he got older, and it went away like they're meant to."

Ellen couldn't sit still, she walked over to the door and checked everything was okay on the other side, then she came and sat back down, stood up again and started pacing. She looked at Peter to go on.

"Well, that's him. We came here when we were thirteen and he saw him and just knew. He's been visiting ever since. It's good for him, Bear calms him down." 

They'd come to Washington with Leonard during the holidays. He was there on business and stuck his "secretary" with looking after them during the day. She was the one who'd brought them to the museum, and they were bored, running her wild. Until Jared saw Bear and froze in place. He'd gripped Peter's arm so tight he bruised and just whispered, 'that's him'. Peter didn't know what he was talking about, but Jared had explained when they got back home. 

"He thinks that thing is his imaginary friend?"

"Yeah."

"It's just some rotten old skin over sawdust and plaster."

Peter couldn't keep the shock off his face, he was actually surprised at how offended he was on Bear's behalf. But he took a breath and went easy because this had to be hard. 

"Please don't say that where they can hear you."

" _They_ can't hear me, one of _them_ is a stuffed animal in a museum display."

Peter didn't know what to say or how to explain. 

"You can think of him like that if you want, but he's more than that. He's Bear. Try to be tactful, okay?"

He'd known about Bear since a couple of days after the trip. Peter had asked, and Jared had told him everything, all with a slight tone in his voice that meant he knew this was something Peter could laugh at him for, or torture him with; a tone that begged Peter not to. And Peter hadn't wanted to laugh. He'd wanted to hold Jared's hand.

Bear had first shown up when Jared was three or four. Leonard forgot that Jared was in the bathroom at a rest stop and left without him. It had probably only been half an hour, Jared said, but he was young and didn't remember much. Except that Bear had found him in the parking lot looking for his dad. He'd led him back inside, and taken him to the counter where Jared told them what happened. He'd sat with him while he waited. And when Leonard showed up - full of bribes so Jared wouldn't tell his mom what happened - Bear had come home in the car with them. Not the body that was here at the museum. The ghost.

He'd talked about it so naturally that at the time Peter simply accepted it. He had no idea how he'd react if the same thing happened now, though. Maybe he was an idiot treating Jared like they were still thirteen and it was okay to believe in things. 

Jared hadn't seen Bear in years, but finding his physical self in the museum had changed things. The ghost started to visit him again, they could talk like they used to. Not all the time, but sometimes. He told Peter it was like having a part of himself back in place. 

Ellen was sitting again now, her head in her hands. Peter got up and went for his own look through the door. He frowned. He wasn't worried, but jealous. He'd been away from Jared for far too long and now to be so close and have Jared hardly care that he was there hurt more than he could deal with. 

He sat down again. 

"So what?" Ellen said, still looking at the floor. "He comes here and visits that thing like a crazy person and you never called a doctor?"

"He doesn't visit him that often. Only when he's worried about things, when he's feeling down." 

Peter didn't feel it was right to mention that usually Bear came to visit Jared rather than the other way around. Some things he'd leave for Jared to tell if he wanted to.

"How often?"

"Not that often." She waited and he wilted. "Every year or two."

"And you didn't think maybe it's not totally normal for a grown man to think a stuffed bear is his spirit animal or whatever."

"He's not a spirit animal. He's his friend. And no, maybe it's not normal, but it's not about being normal, he's" - _better than normal_ \- "fine."

Ellen didn't even bother to argue, but Peter could see her thoughts spinning, could see her wanting to scream.

"Look, he was depressed, right? That's what you were worried about, he was down, feeling bad, eating badly, sleeping badly? Depressed?" Peter waited until Ellen half nodded a yes. "So either you make him go to a doctor and they give him all kind of pills, which he has to take for years, or some weird diet that doesn't work anyway-"

"Or therapy, with a trained professional who can listen to him and help him get over this delusional... psychotic break that you're letting him think is normal. He might have a brain tumour or a... I don't even know the things he might have, he's hallucinating for fuck's sake."

She was on her feet again, couldn't sit still. 

"He hasn't got a brain tumour."

"Oh good, that's good. Did you have Donald Duck run some tests, or-"

"He had regular MRIs when he was on his dad's insurance. They never showed a thing."

"Then it's something else, cancer."

"Cancer that he's had since he was thirteen years old, and hasn't shown up in any test?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." She took a cigarette out of her bag. "He's been coming here for over twenty years."

Peter nodded, and then pointed at a no smoking sign. She put the cigarette away again, and looked at him steadily for the first time since they'd got here. 

"Twenty years and you didn't do anything about it? You were his best friend."

Peter didn't answer her, just stared at her. He couldn't answer her because all he could hear was the past tense, and it was tying his throat in knots and setting fire to his lungs.

"I'm calling his mom."

Peter turned his back and stared at a painting on the wall. Some old thing with ships and lightning. 

"He's forty years old, you can't tell on him."

He hated her. Even though she was right and he was past tense and none of it was her fault. He'd moved out, thrown his whole life away, and now someone else was Jared's best friend. He hated whoever that was. He hated Swatello in case it was her. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. Damned if he was going to let her see him cry he moved further around the room. Keeping his back to her all the way. 

"Why didn't you warn me?" she asked.

"I figured he'd tell you."

She was quiet at that. And it was a tense, deep silence. Jared hadn't told her. Peter thought about that for the first time. Even on their flight over here Jared hadn't told her. 

The silence stretched to minutes.

"Look, I can't... I'm not sitting here while he has a breakdown in the other room. Tell him I'll meet him at the hotel whenever he's finished with... that thing."

Peter turned round but she was already half way out the door, and he couldn't think of anything to make her stay.

He sighed, not sure if Jared was going to hate him for telling her. Or if it even made any difference now if he did. 

He went to the door and looked at Jared again. He knew Jared was telling Bear everything he'd been worrying about, how he was feeling, what he needed. All the things he should be telling Peter but wasn't. Because Peter was past tense. 

He sat on the floor, back against the wall, and waited. 

 

\-----

 

Jared came out about twenty minutes later.

"He's sleeping," he said. "We can go."

Peter picked himself up off the floor. "You feeling any better?"

Jared shrugged like maybe he was, and Peter smiled to see it. He was more himself already. He was moving better and didn't look so distant. 

Peter realised that while he was examining Jared he was getting the same treatment back. 

"You look old," was Jared's verdict. 

Peter nodded, whatever. He felt old. 

Jared looked around and didn't seem surprised not to see Ellen. "She left."

"Yeah. She went to the hotel."

"Oh."

"I think it was a lot. She might need some time to get used to it."

Jared shook his head and turned for the door. "She's in love with another guy. Mark."

"What?" 

"He's the new you." 

The casual way Jared said it hurt as much as the words themselves but he swallowed it.

"Oh. And you think he and Ellen are..?"

"She fell in love with him the minute they met, about two weeks after you left. But she's been pretending she didn't because she feels bad and I've been hoping maybe it would," he made a vague hand gesture that meant fade away, fizzle out, stop.

"What's he like?"

"Tall."

"Oh."

"Damien loves him."

"Ah." 

"He's rich and fancy. He'll take her nice places." They reached the elevators and waited, facing the doors. "They'll have tall kids and go skiing, they'll holiday at his family's vineyard."

"You don't know that's what she wants." 

Jared just tilted his head in a way that made Peter pretty sure he knew that was what Ellen wanted. 

Peter didn't want to hate Ellen, but Jared had picked her and the very least she could have done was not fall in love with someone else the moment Peter's back was turned.

"I've fucked everything up," Jared said quietly.

"You haven't." 

"That's what Bear said, that I've fucked everything up." 

Peter frowned. Bear was generally more supportive than that. 

"Ellen loves you, she was worried when she phoned me, she came all the way out here."

Jared shook his head like Peter didn't get it.

The elevator doors opened and they walked inside. Jared leaned against the back wall looking at the floor. Peter stood slightly in front of him, staring at the glowing numbers above the doors. It had been seven months and he didn't know where to start. 

They didn't say anything for the ride down. 

When they got to the lobby, Baz was there. Peter talked to him, joking and smiling, heavy with thank yous, keeping him on side for the next time Jared needed to visit.

They got outside and it was so cold Peter could see his breath. He looked for a cab.

"Are you staying at the Grosvenor?" 

Jared nodded.

"Me too."

They shared a cab. 

"I tried calling," Jared said eventually. "The Chive said you never showed."

Peter stared blankly out the window. "Changed my mind."

Jared looked at him for a full two minutes, waiting for him to go on, waiting for him to turn and look back. Then he turned to look out his own window. "Okay."

 

\-----

 

The first knock woke Peter up, but didn't really register. He stared at the clock, 2.50 am. Another knock at the door and he was stumbling out of bed without thinking, pulling the sheet with him to tie around his waist. 

Jared was standing in the hotel corridor in his pyjamas. "Did you miss me at all?"

"Of course I.." 

"Okay." Jared pushed past him into the room, and went round to the unused side of the bed. 

"What are you doing?"

"We broke up. I need somewhere to sleep." He plumped up the pillow and got the blanket from the floor where Peter had kicked it. "You hugged me at the airport."

Peter stared at him, struggling through sleepiness to make sense of that.

"You don't hate me," Jared explained, concentrating harder than he needed to on spreading out the blanket, avoiding eye contact. 

Peter shook his head, confused. "No."

"But you didn't call." 

Jared climbed in and sat cross legged with the blanket covering his lap. He made a face, the face which meant that Peter was contradicting himself and he should explain or the jury would have no choice but to convict. 

Peter hadn't been in a court room for seven months. He wished he had pants on.

"You didn't call either." 

That was weak, Peter had only turned his old cell back on two weeks ago, and Jared had already said he tried to call the Chive. Peter was tired. He hadn't even packed pyjamas, he went over to his bag. 

"I called the Chive, remember?"

Peter found clean underwear and pulled it on. He shrugged in answer to Jared. It was all he could muster. He hadn't called. He hadn't known how. Or if Jared would want him to. 

"And I emailed you."

Peter hadn't been checking his email. Or rather he'd checked it every day to start with, but pretty soon the very idea of clicking the icon and loading a blank inbox made him feel sick with dread. He'd deleted the app from his phone. Couldn't even remember his password. 

Peter didn't want to talk, didn't want Jared being nice to him or angry with him, or putting him on trial for something that definitely wasn't his fault. He just wanted to sleep, and then fly home to his cat and go back to his life where he could pretend he was functioning, pretend he was happy.

"Look, you can stay, okay. But I'm tired."

He got back into bed without even looking at Jared, lay down with his back to him, and switched off the light.

For a few minutes neither of them moved. Then he heard Jared lie down beside him, arms hugged around his pillow.

Peter lay stock still, trying to calm the heavy ache in his stomach. He knew he wouldn't sleep, he couldn't think with Jared this close. Couldn't breathe or -

Jared kicked him off the bed.

"What the fuc- ow, shit."

His feet were tangled in the sheet, he kicked it off, kicked the wall and stubbed his toe. Then he managed to stand up and launched himself at Jared in the dark. Jared rolled out of the way, but Peter got one arm over him, caught his hair, and pulled. 

Jared hit at him, pushed at him and scratched his skin, but Peter didn't let go. His other hand caught Jared's wrist, and he dragged him half way across the bed. He let go of Jared's hair to fend off Jared's nails digging into his shoulder, suddenly he had both wrists, and pressed his weight advantage, trying to pin him to the bed. But Jared managed to turn and bite Peter's arm, and then it was Peter pushing at him instead, swearing. He managed to shove him away, although not off the side of the bed which had been his aim. Jared kicked him again, hard, and then moved out of range before Peter could kick back. Peter threw a pillow at his head, then pulled back too. They sat up, diagonally across from each other on the bed, both breathing heavily. It had hardly been a fight, barely two minutes long. But Peter's pulse was racing, and part of him wanted to start it again, get hold of Jared, shake him, throttle him. Touch him, a traitorous part of his brain threw out.

They took time, calming their breath, staring at each other warily as their eyes got used to the dark. 

After a minute Jared wiped at his eyes with the cuff of his top. Peter hadn't seen him cry for nearly nine years.

He moved closer and reached out without thinking. But Jared batted his hand away. "Fuck off."

"You fuck off," Peter replied instinctively, without meaning anything.

Jared got hold of the pillow Peter had thrown at him, and held it in front of him. He took deep, ragged breaths. Peter ran his fingers through his hair and didn't know what to do because Jared was crying and he wasn't allowed to touch him. He felt tears fill his own eyes. 

When Jared spoke it was quiet, barely there. "You can't not talk to me. I haven't seen you in months and I didn't know where you were and I fucked everything up but you can't just..." He waved a hand. 

"Okay." Peter was still angry, but Jared was right, he was being a dick. "Look, I know it sucks," he said softly, "but Ellen will-"

"I don't give a fuck about Ellen."

"Oh." Jared wiped his eyes and Peter tried another tack. "How was he?" 

Jared shook his head. "Where've you been?" 

"It doesn't matter." 

Jared picked at the pillow, pulled a feather out of it. Peter could see another tear tracking down his cheek. And he had no fucking right, because Peter wasn't the one who'd decided they should break up and he wasn't the one who'd kicked him out of bed. But somehow all his anger didn't add up to much, and Jared hadn't been well, his need to visit Bear wasn't something that came out of nowhere, it built up slowly. Peter would have seen the signs, should have been there. 

"Albany."

"Albany?" Jared looked up. "Why would..?"

Peter shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He'd been in Europe. Then he'd been in Albany. He didn't want to talk about it. "Tell me how Bear was."

Jared wanted to argue again, but didn't. Besides he loved talking about Bear, always had.

"He's good. They mended his paw, you know where the skin was split?" Peter nodded, he knew. "And I've moved him slightly so the sun won't get in his eyes and he's hibernating in a week or two so it's good timing. He's been in Alaska he says, or it might have been Canada. He has a lady friend."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He's happy."

"Is his lady friend alive or-"

"Nope. Ghost."

"Cool." Peter didn't really approve of ghosts on principle, but Bear wasn't like other ghosts and he supposed his girlfriend wasn't either so it was fine. 

Jared reached out and his fingers brushed lightly over Peter's arm, comforting him the way he always did when people talked about ghosts or blood or zombies. Peter forgot how to breathe. 

They were quiet for a long minute.

"You weren't at the Chive."

"I told you, I changed my mind." 

Jared waited, looking down at the bed between them. You can't not talk to me, he'd said. And Peter had said okay. 

"Dude, I couldn't... I drove away from you, booked into a motel and..." He'd cried for three days. "I was a mess. I wasn't... I couldn't move to fucking Austin and start a job. I could barely..." Barely eat, barely speak, barely function.

"Oh." Jared didn't lift his eyes. 

"So I drove to the airport and took the first flight anywhere."

"I thought..."

"What?"

"You were meant to be happy. I figured you were happy."

Peter stared at him, bewildered. "Why?" A harsh laugh cracked out of him. "Because my best friend decided he hated me and I threw my life aw-"

"I didn't hate you." Jared's voice was firm, and his face pure confusion.

"You wanted me to go."

"Because you ate that fish."

"What?"

"You ate that fish and I didn't know what to do. So I let you go and it was all noble and stuff, and then you were meant to-"

" _Noble?_ " Peter had literally never been more confused by anything his life. Jared had said a lot of ridiculous, fundamentally stupid things in their time together, but this was beyond it all. "How is that even..? What are you..?"

"Well you ate the fish," Jared said again, as though it made sense. 

Peter stared at him blankly. "It was only a fish."

"It wasn't only a fish. It was a poisoned, cursed, death fish. And you're you."

Jared was looking at him, his eyes soft. Peter wished the curtains were thicker, and the darkness darker. He didn't want Jared looking at him, didn't need him being right about things.

"So I ate a fish, and you decided you didn't want," - _me_ \- "Decided you'd had enough."

Jared shook his head. He moved closer and took Peter's hand and Peter let him. "Peter, I slept with _your mom_."

Peter nodded blankly. That was something he knew. It was something he didn't need to hear come out of Jared's mouth ever again, especially not while they were holding hands. But it was something he knew.

"And then you ate the fish. And I realised you were never going to forgive me and you were... a mess, you couldn't deal with it, and you wanted to go, so I didn't stop you."

Peter stared at him.

"Noble," Jared said, firmly, letting go of his hand.

Peter stared at him. 

For a long time.

Until Jared eventually looked away, tilted his head.

"Bear says it was stupid."

Peter nodded.

"He says I fucked everything up."

"Oh." 

"I'm sorry." Jared was looking more at the pillow than he was at Peter.

"Okay."

Jared shook his head to say it wasn't okay, and he looked like he was going to cry again and Peter couldn't deal with that. He pulled him closer and hugged him, and Jared's arms came around him as tight as possible. 

When they eventually let go it was Peter who had to wipe his eyes, and that made Jared stroke his hand again. 

"I mean it. I'm sorry."

Peter nodded. "Me too."

"I didn't know I was being stupid, I thought..."

"Noble," Peter said, disbelief still strong in his voice.

"I thought you'd be happy if I wasn't around." 

"When have I ever been happy when you weren't-" 

He stopped the second he realised what he was saying, but Jared didn't laugh or mock. He just half smiled, and Peter knew he'd happily say things five times that pathetic if it made Jared smile again.

"I was a mess after you left. And then Bear came, but," Jared hugged the pillow tighter, looked like a kid again, "I ignored him. I pretended he wasn't there. Because Ellen was there, and I didn't want to be crazy. I couldn't tell her. And I didn't want him to know how stupid I'd been. So I didn't talk to him and he left and I thought he wouldn't ever come back. And you weren't there, so-"

He broke off because Peter was hugging him again. He was shaking. He breathed deeply against Peter's chest.

"I'm here now."

Jared nodded.

"Was he mad at you?"

Jared shook his head. 

"So it's all okay."

"Yeah."

He didn't sound convinced. Peter let go of him, and was rewarded with another small smile as Jared visibly pulled himself back together just a little.

"Why did you go? If you didn't want to?"

"Because." He thought that was basically explanation enough but tried to find more words all the same. "You said maybe I should, like you wanted me to." Jared was shaking his head, but Peter kept going. "And then you kept talking about moving in with Ellen, and this whole life you'd have without me, and," he blinked back tears. "I guess I thought you'd been thinking about it for a while and just not said anything."

"No."

"I thought that might have been why you- why you and- you and mom. Because maybe you'd hated me for months and I was just an idiot who didn-"

"No." He squeezed Peter's hand hard. "Peter, I was _drunk_. Really really drunk. And I know it's fucked up, but it wasn't about you, if I'd thought about you at all I would have stopped, I would never do that to you. But I didn't think about it, I was out of it. I don't even remember... I just remember waking up, and then... You know I'd do anything to undo it, right?"

"You really don't remember it?"

Jared shook his head. "I'd taken all kinds of things. The only thing I really remember about that night was watching giraffes diving into the hot tub from the balcony."

"Oh." 

Peter wasn't sure if it was a lie. But if it was a lie it was a nice one, more comfortable than the way Peter had been picturing it until now. 

"You thought I did it to hurt you?"

Peter shrugged. He'd thought all sorts of things. "I would have got over it. I just needed some time."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

He took Jared's pillow away from him and put it back at the head of the bed. Jared helped him to rearrange the bed, still tense, but breathing a little easier.

They settled. Closer than they had been before, facing each other, and with only a little fighting to get the covers shared equally between them. 

They were quiet for a few minutes, then Jared took Peter's hand, linked their fingers, and squeezed gently. Peter squeezed back. 

"I felt sick not knowing where you were." He said it quietly so Peter could barely hear it. 

"I missed you so much I didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

They both half smiled, embarrassed. But they'd keep saying it, until they didn't need to anymore. And it would be okay.

Jared looked exhausted, he'd clearly not been sleeping, and probably hadn't been eating right. 

"Go to sleep," Peter said softly, resisting the urge to stroke his hair. 

But Jared's eyes didn't close, and his hand squeezed Peter's harder. 

"Are we okay."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, but are we okay okay? Like I can come to Albany and move in with you? Or just okay in like you'll text me sometimes if you remember?" His voice was tight, and he was barely breathing. "Because I know I was an idiot, so if you don't want..."

"You want that? You'd move to New York?"

Jared nodded, then wrinkled his eyebrows like Peter was an idiot. "I'd move anywhere."

Peter smiled and felt better than he had in forever. "Oh."

Jared full on grinned. 

"Tell me about Europe."

"You need sleep."

"I haven't seen you for seven months. Tell me about Europe."

There wasn't a lot to tell because mostly it had been getting drunk in hotel rooms and feeling lonely. But there was Rowena, and Madeleine, and Carla. He talked and Jared laughed and made fun of him and it was good. 

"Are you working?" Jared asked. 

"I've been busking."

Jared looked up at him. "Uh huh, and you've been actually making rent by..?"

Peter didn't bother being offended. "I'm doing research for a firm, waiting to get my license."

"Yeah? You like it?"

"No, it sucks. They're obsessed with billing hours. There are motivational posters."

"Huh."

"But we can find somewhere better. We don't have to go to Albany. We could spin a globe, or stick a pin in a map."

Jared smiled. "We could wander the land, fighting miscarriages of justice wherever we find them."

"Wherever we're needed, somehow we appear."

"Yeah." 

Peter frowned. "I can't wander the land, I've got a cat."

"You do?"

"Mimi."

"Huh." Jared thought about things for a few minutes until Peter thought maybe he'd fallen asleep. "You know Hanna's set up a small pro bono office, somewhere in Kansas."

"What's she doing in Kansas?"

"Fell in love with a verified actual real life cowboy."

"No."

"Yep."

"Good for Hanna."

"Good for Hanna," Jared agreed. "Maybe we could go visit, see if we can help out."

"Yeah, sure. I bet she misses us."

"Course she does."

They both smiled. It was only a tiny bit of a future, but it was a future with them both together and Peter liked it a lot. He stroked Jared's palm with his thumb, and risked ruining everything.

"Ellen thinks you have a brain tumour."

"I don't have a brain tumour."

"I know." 

Peter paused then, not sure how to say anything without sounding like he thought Jared was crazy which he didn't think, but Ellen had said he was a bad friend, so-

"I'll go have another scan."

Peter smiled and breathed easier. "Okay."

"We should go to sleep."

"Yeah."

But they didn't. They stayed there, talking about nothing and everything, until the light was brighter through the window, until eventually Jared's eyes drifted closed mid-sentence. 

Peter lay still, just watching him for a few minutes. Then he reached over to lift the covers a little higher over Jared's shoulder. Jared burrowed deeper into his pillow.

"Love you," he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

Peter kept his voice calm even as his insides twisted in somersaults. "Love you too," he said, and he felt something click into place inside him. A piece of him that had been missing for months.

**Author's Note:**

> There's an episode of F&B where Jared brings a stuffed bear into the courtroom, and long before the episode aired, we got a still picture of Jared hugging that bear, and we christened him Bear and made up all sorts of head canons about him. This is my take on those head canons, but he's by no means my creation.
> 
> (I know there's not a huge market for F&B fic anymore, but I noticed we were nearly getting up to a whole year since the last fic was posted, and it just made me sad, so I found this one and tidied it up and made a vague ending for it and here it is.)


End file.
